How to fly and not piss everyone off


Putting a bunch of dumb people in a confusing situation is a little hilarious.

I think that’s why airports provide the best people-watching on the planet — nobody knows where they’re going, and most of them are hauling whiny kids. Because I’m not one of the latter kinds of people (and I try to be the former as little as possible), it’s pretty funny every time I see it.

But there are other situations that aren’t as comical — they’re actually pretty obnoxious, as I found out while flying Monday and Tuesday. So let’s discuss a few of these pet peeves that, surprisingly, might annoy random strangers quite a bit!

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Sit in the seat you chose

It’s 2013. You can choose the seat you want when you check in online, hours before the flight. So if you choose the aisle seat, sit in the aisle seat. I chose the window seat for a reason, and it wasn’t to give you a second option. My seat is here. Your seat is there. Get it right.

Just turn off your damn phone

After about three times of the flight attendant coming by and asking you to turn off you phone for the 15 minutes it takes to get airborne, you’d think you’d do it. I have no idea whether or not there’s any chance your phone could crash the plane with its interference, but if there’s even a .001 percent chance it will, then kill the damn phone. Your text isn’t worth my life. Ugh, now I sound like a commercial for texting and driving.

Keep your shoes on, for the love of god

The last time your shoes should leave your feet is during the security checkpoint. If my arms are in contact with yours on a flight because we have no room between us, your shoes should be on. Nobody wants to see or, worse, smell your feet for two hours. You’re an adult. Keep your shoes on.

Oh, you want off the plane? So do I.

What’s with people storming the front of the plane as soon as it parks at the gate? You chose to sit in row 37, now sit there until 36 rows have left the plane. I know you have to go to the bathroom … so do I.

Personal space, when possible, is a beautiful thing

Give me my space when there’s a chance. Don’t stand on top of me when we’re waiting to check bags or lining up to get on the plane. Don’t get all up my nose at baggage claim. It’s a busy place to be, but it’s not that busy. Take a step back. Your immune system will thank you when you don’t get all my germs.

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