Breaking down Ted

Several months ago, I was in the middle of a slow Saturday evening shift at The Weather Channel when a co-worker sent me a video, telling me I had to watch it … immediately.

It was a preview for a movie called Ted. A teddy bear, voiced by Seth MacFarlane, telling sex jokes and acting like a crude, middle-aged male.

It was genius.

So last night, we did the double-date thing at Studio Movie Grill and caught the evening showing of the movie I had long awaited. Let me first say this — if you’re not a fan of the show Family Guy, you’re not going to like Ted.

To give a short background, Ted is a teddy bear, wished to life by a young boy who wanted a friend. So Ted comes to life, and the two grow up together. Mark Wahlberg plays the character of the grown-up kid (named John), and Ted is voiced by MacFarlane.

But when they both get older and are still best friends, John’s girlfriend Lori (played by Mila Kunis) gets more and more uncomfortable by the presence of Ted, and pressures John to kick out his teddy bear.

Yes, it’s as ridiculous as it sounds.

The movie is textbook MacFarlane — hate for the South disguised as comedy, random tangents that are extremely awkward when you don’t understand them and jokes about minorities and world events that make you say, “Too soon.”

Then, at the end, it suddenly gets sappy, as if there’s a lesson to be learned. Notice the predictable Family Guy pattern?

Joel McHale plays a jerk-off boss. Mark Wahlberg does a decent job of playing an actor, per usual. Ryan Reynolds plays a gay guy. It all could have been better, considering the brilliant idea of turning a teddy bear into a crude-joke machine.

But all in all, it’s still worth your $13 to see Ted. You won’t laugh harder at a movie this summer, and for all its flaws, the movie still flows pretty well. There wasn’t a single moment where I found myself wondering when the film would end, and Ted does have a lot of really funny lines.

Just don’t take your kids. We had a row of young’uns in front of us last night, and it was awkward.

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