Thou shalt not have false idols…

Tired of hearing about Tim Tebow yet? You only have to put up with it for another four months!

While seemingly non-stop Tebow footage is rolled on ESPN, CBS, and just about every sports website in the United States, those of us that have seen his behavior on the field can only chuckle when grown men try to pretend they are professional while proclaiming that he really may be the Second Coming.

As hard as it is to stay semi-objective and try to understand just why the world seems to think he is such a perfect human being, I can see the luster of the young man. He is seemingly unstoppable on the football field, and his messages to the media are so calculated that people wonder how any 21-year-old can be so perfect.

Much like a sale, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Those of us that grew tired of the “Chuck Norris” references three years ago will probably be forced to deal with them for a little while longer, but it’s all of the other over-the-top garbage that is making it hard to swallow.

Here are a few examples that you may or may not have heard of:

– At the Southeastern Conference’s Media Day last month, Tebow stepped to the microphone to answer questions from the press. The annual week-long meeting of SEC Football coaches and players was going well until the Gators’ quarterback stepped in front of reporters. Then someone asked him the question that was completely out of line: “Are you a virgin?” That’s what it has come to. Even the reporters are asking him questions that guide him to looking like the perfect human being (he has made no secret about the fact that he’s a virgin, so asking that question served no purpose other than to reinforce the image of Tebow as a saint).

– If that didn’t sell you, then this definitely will. Last night, the Fort Meyers Miracle, a minor-league baseball team, was planning on having “What Would Tim Tebow Do?” night. I’m not joking.

In this themed evening, the Miracle handed out promise rings to every fan that attended the game. They also had a character try to walk on water in between innings. Tebow’s tear-filled guarantee after the Gators’ loss to Ole Miss last season was played several times over the JumboTron. And to top it all off, the first pitch was thrown “jump ball” style, as a tribute to the pass Tebow has been known to throw on the goal line.

I should have warned you not to read this while eating, but if you need to step aside to throw up, I’ll wait. Seriously. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

To keep this under 1,000 words, I’ll stop there. I could go on all day. I’ll close with a quote from the Chosen One himself that I read as I was browsing the AP News Wire yesterday.

As you may or may not know, Tebow was held out of practice this week due to a shoulder/back/whatever’s bugging him this week injury. He returned to practice yesterday, and was asked by a reporter how he injured himself. His response was as follows, and I swear to you that I did not doctor or edit this quote at all:

“Probably overworking, like I do everything.”

You can go back to eating now, if you still have an appetite.

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